im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
