Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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