I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize