I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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