Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nicole vs. Life
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
