Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
