Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They took my balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
