Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
