Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
