gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
