I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
