I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
