If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
