I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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