she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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