Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
