Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
