True but thats because hes a fetus.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
