the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize