maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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