Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
