Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
