Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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