Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
