Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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