i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is the high leading the old right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
