I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
