I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
