and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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