i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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