then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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