There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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