I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
