My room smells like vodka and shame
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
