I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
