Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
