Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
