i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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