I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize