I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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