those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
