I cannot find my penis.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize