Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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