I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
