Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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