dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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