I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
