I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
