she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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