I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
