You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
