she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
