Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A bitchslap is in order.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
