U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
