Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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