I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
