New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
