Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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