My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
