That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
