Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
