I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
