i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
