she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
