Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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