His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
