I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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